AUGUST 2001 ----------------------------In this issue--------------------------------------- The Play's the Thing “To split the ears of the groundlings…” or How Many More Times Can Shakespeare Roll In His Grave??? Voices in Contemporary Theatre Everybody Wins As Trinity Rep And Brown University Form A Consortium For Graduate Study In Theater Arts Letter from America From the west end smash The Puppetry of the Penis to casting for Mamma Mia to Assassins, all the news is breaking on this side of the pond this month CyberTheatre Monthly Finally a few theatre sites with a little showbiz savvy Rubin's Corner Summer and Beyond Enter Laughing Lightbulbs, 'cause it's hard to be funny after Shakespeare World and the dumbing it down awards.   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE PLAY'S THE THING “To split the ears of the groundlings…” or How Many More Times Can Shakespeare Roll In His Grave??? So, Rebecca and I were sitting around the pool on the 4th of July celebrating independence in all it various forms…ok, really we were drinking away, floating in the pool, trying to amuse ourselves with the worst casts we could think of for any given Shakespearean play. Gee, you would think two hot, sexy women would have more to do on a holiday but hey, we are theatre babes with too much time on our hands between shows. Nevertheless, we laughed so hard that we decided to pay tribute once again to our favorite dead English playwright, no matter who he REALLY was, and with a little help from our friends (sounds a bit like a famous English band, wink wink). And in tribute to our favorite Late Night TV Talk Show Host (but we have it on good authority that David Letterman really is David Letterman), without further ado…or is that Much Ado…come on Caprice, lay off the cheesy puns (and Caprice scowls at Rebecca for breaking her typing fingers)… Number Ten: Romeo and Juliet starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Romeo and Rosie O’Donnell as Juliet. Can’t you just hear Arnold’s lovely voice saying (in our best Arnold accent of course) “More light and light – more dark and dark our woes…hasta la vista baby! I’ll be baaaaack!” And then Rosie could bust out with a rendition of “Brush Up Your Shakespeare” from Kiss Me Kate…oh Rosie…wrong play! Number Nine: Romeo and Juliet starring Leonardo Di….oh wait, that’s been done to death, a slow painful death…(But Baz we really, really, really liked Moulin Rouge!) Number Eight: Othello starring Martin Lawrence as Othello and Danny De Vito as Iago. Come on now…What’s the Worst That Could Happen…them in that movie and in Othello I think! To top it off, how about a Cheers reunion of Rhea Perlman and Shelly Long…with Rhea as a wise-cracking Emilia and Shelly Long as the irritating, nerve grating Diane-mona…and boy does she mona a lota. Number Seven: Since pairs seem to be so much fun, how about Othello again! This time we would star Marlon Wayans as Othello and David Arquette as Iago…and if that ain’t a Scary Movie I don’t know what is….muhahahahahaha. Of course we must also round out that cast with stellar (not Stella) performances from Madonna as Desdemona…Like a Virgin…like we believe you! And last but not least Sandra, not to be confused with Sarah, Bernhardt as Emilia. Number Six: “Perchance to dream…” a Midsummer Night kind of Dream…or is that nightmare…muhahahahaha! How about this to frighten your children at bedtime? Roseanne and Tom Arnold…they’re back and they’re pissed…as Titania and Oberon…the forest’s favorite fighting couple that makes even Nature quake in terror, especially when joined by Christopher Walken as Puck. Need we say more? Number Five: Let’s try a tamer version of the nightmare on Shakespeare Street…how about Cheri O Teri as Titania and Chris Kittan as Oberon/Mango! “You cannot have the Mango changling boy Titania!” But for the Oscar winning performance you must see Kevin Spacey as Robert De Niro as Puck…”Are you looking at me…the merry wanderer of the night?” Ok kids, time for intermission…let us rest our weary fingers and tag team off the typing. Caprice needs a smoke break and Rebecca needs to quit laughing so hard and running for Shakespearean texts. Where is that damned pool boy with our drinks! And now in honor of our dear friend Andy Fullerton…And…..We’re Back! Number Four: Of course, Rebecca takes over for this one…Macbeth…as we all know with painful reminders over and over and over again, is Rebecca’s favorite play. How’s this for a cast to make her skin crawl…Ed O’Neil as Macbeth and Katey Segal as Lady Macbeth…I can hear those immortal words now…”I have given suck, which is why we are Married Without Children!” Take that one any way you want to boys and girls. Number Three: Macbeth (once again) starring the real-life true love story…Tom Green and Drew Barrymore as the homicidal couple. Gee, go figure. Number Two: And now for our tribute to the Bard’s greatest tragedy…and if you didn’t think so before, you will now. Hamlet starring that immortal god of an actor (and Rai Genna’s personal idol) Keanu, who could ever forget his performance in Much Ado, Reeves. Made us cry. And as Rai said, he was more frightened of his cat…asleep…in the next room…than he was of reeves’ Don John. And, since we are giving our friend so much credit, we must include his ingenious idea for Horatio—that Roman God (no, not you Rai) David Spade. Is this one getting to be too much of an inside joke? Because Caprice and I are laughing our asses off. If you only knew Rai, you would be too. To top off this ingenious cast, we have added our personal choice for the virginal, delicate, innocent Ophelia, that star of more movies of the X-version (and we don’t mean Files) Tracey Lords. Sprinkle in a bit of George Carlin as Claudius, Bette Midler as Gertrude (did you see that episode of her TV show? Oh, wait, no one did, that’s why it’s been cancelled), Will Farrell as Polonius, Ellen Degeneres as Laertes. And to round out the cast, how could we pass up Sean Penn and Charlie Sheen as Rosencrantz and Gildenstern. Aren’t they dead? Too many drugs I suppose. Or one too many hookers—didn’t we say it before—I have given suck… Drum roll please… And now, for the Number One All-Time worst cast of, not just Hamlet, but any Shakespeare play (and after thinking it through, I actually want to see this production). Trey Parker and Matt Stone can make anyone roll over in there grave, even before they are dead. It gives us great pleasure to present Hamlet starring the South Park gang. Kenny as the fated melancholy Dane is the obvious choice (since we all know he is going to die, at least this way he gets to do it last). Supporting Kenny, as his vicious uncle Claudius, Eric Cartman…”Screw you guys, I’m going home!” As Cartman’s beautiful bride Gertrude, Hamlet’s mother, Mr. Garrison. Chef bring the voice of reason and retribution (as well as a little spiritual lovin’) as the Ghost of Hamlet’s Father. Stan is Hamlet’s long-time and only friend, Horatio, and Kyle as his mortal enemy Laertes. Terence and Phillip will play the long-winded Rosencrantz and Gildenstern, who should be sent to England and killed, but oh, God, what would that food do to their digestive systems! Sadaam Hussein rounds out the cast as Osric, and Satan as Fortinbras (he’s come to take over the world!). But how can you have a South Park Hamlet without Mr. Mackey as Polonius? Neither a borrower or a lender be, mkay? But who have we forgotten? Ah yes, the fair damsel Ophelia. I can see her now when Hamlet orders her “Get thee to a nunnery!” Ophelia is ordinarily silent at that moment, but what a brilliant stroke of shear acting genius to hear the theatre echo with that resounding “Timmay!!” Well, there you have it boys and girls. We laughed, we cried (a lot), and we offended many, I’m sure (especially several of our friends). Stay tuned for next month as we tackle such classical bad casting as Death of a Salesman, The Glass Menagerie, Waiting for Godot, and A Streetcar Named Desire (can you say Brittany Spears is Blanche Dubois?). If you would like to send us your worst cast suggestions, feel free to email us. Believe me, we’re going to need all the help we can get. Ta! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VOICES IN CONTEMPORARY THEATRE Everybody Wins As Trinity Rep And Brown University Form A Consortium For Graduate Study In Theater Arts Trinity Repertory Company and Brown University have formed a consortium to create a new graduate program for theater arts. The announcement of the new program was made by Sheila E. Blumstein, Interim President of Brown, Oskar Eustis, Artistic Director of Trinity Rep, and Arnold B. Chace, Jr., Chairman of Trinity Rep's Board of Trustees, following approval of the consortium by the Corporation of Brown University. The proposal had been unanimously endorsed by the Brown faculty and approved by Trinity Rep's board of trustees earlier this month. In addition to its existing Master of Arts (M.A.) in theater studies and Master of Fine Arts (M.F.A.) in playwriting, Brown University will begin granting an M.F.A. in acting and directing and a Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) in theater and performance studies. The consortium, incorporates the existing Trinity Repertory Conservatory, and will provide professional training for the new M.F.A. program at Trinity Rep's downtown campus: the David and Joan Henderson Studios, the Lederer Theater Center, and the planned Pell Chafee Performance Center. The first M.F.A. class will matriculate in September 2OO2 and receive its degrees in May 2OO5. The Ph.D. program will be based on the Brown campus. "This new consortium will set the national standard of training for the next generation of theater artists: rigorous and demanding, but without limitations on creativity," said Eustis. `'It is the product of inspired, pragmatic discussion and analysis by the leadership of Trinity Rep and its Conservatory, Brown's administration and its Department of Theatre, Speech and Dance. This consortium, which combines all of the virtues of an Ivy League school with those of an independent, nationally acclaimed theater company, will provide the best possible environment to train the artists of the future." Eustis, who had been serving as a visiting associate professor at Brown, has been appointed a full professor. The consortium faculty will include faculty members of both the Trinity Rep Conservatory and Brown, and the administration and boards of Brown and Trinity Rep will share oversight of the program.  One of the nation's leading theater training programs, the Trinity Rep Conservatory was established in 1978. Since 1998 it has offered the M.F.A. degree in acting and directing through Rhode Island College. The Conservatory classes of 2OO2 and 2OO3 will continue to earn degrees through Rhode Island College, but new classes will be admitted to the program at Brown, beginning in September 2OO2. The first degrees from the Brown University program will be granted to the class of 2OO5. Later this year, the consortium hopes to announce an expansion to include Rhode Island College and the Rhode Island School of Design as future partners. Currently in discussion are programs granting an M.F.A. in theater design (lighting, set, costume) through Rhode Island School of Design, and an M.F.A. in stage management and technical theater through Rhode Island College. Since its founding in 1964, Trinity Repertory Company has been one of the most respected regional theaters in the country. Led by Artistic Director Oskar Eustis and Managing Director William P. Wingate, featuring an acclaimed resident acting company, Trinity Rep presents a balance of world premiere, contemporary, and classic works, including seven subscription productions, an annual production of A Christmas Carol, and the Trinity Summer Shakespeare Project, for an estimated annual audience of l95,OOO. In its 36-year history, the theater has presented 46 world premieres. Project Discovery, Trinity Rep's pioneering educational outreach program launched in 1966 and now sponsored by Fleet, introduces 3O,OOO Rhode Island and Massachusetts students a year to live theater. Since 1973, Trinity Rep's home has been the Lederer Theater Center, a historic landmark built as the Majestic Theatre in 1917. With an annual budget of $7 million, the theater employs 13O artistic and administrative staff and annually generates more than $24 million in economic activity. This season concluded with Peter Parnell's two-part adaptation of John Irving's The Cider House Rules, and Yasmina Reza's Art; both reviewed here. "The new program will provide theatrical training in a professional environment of the highest caliber, with an unparalleled faculty and academic resources." Blumstein said. "It builds on both institutions' strengths, and on their shared commitment to imagination, intellectual challenge and idealism." "We are eager to begin work through the consortium," said Kathryn T. Spoehr,Brown's Executive Vice President and Provost. "The unique strengths of our two institutions and the excellent working relationship between Brown and Trinity Rep will help establish the new graduate theater program at the forefront of U.S. higher education." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LETTER FROM AMERICA The Puppetry of the Penis PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS, the sell-out West End comedy hit featuring David Friend and Simon Morley will make its American debut at the John Houseman Theatre (450 West 42nd Street). Previews begin on Tue. Sep. 25; opening night is Fri. Oct. 5. Make no mistake, there are no sock puppets in this show! PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS begins where The Full Monty ends; with two naked penis puppeteers on stage presenting the ancient Australian art of genital origami with an astounding series of penis installations. A video camera projects every intimate detail of these incredible phenomena onto a large screen, insuring that little can be missed. Requiring astonishing stamina, an unbelievable stretch factor and an amazing level of testicular fortitude, PUPPETRY OF THE PENIS leaves women and men gasping with more than 40 heroic and hilarious installations including crowd pleasers, tourist attractions and food products like The Pelican, The Windsurfer, The Eiffel Tower, the Loch Ness Monster, and their signature creation, the Hamburger. And all without leaving Manhattan. Morley and Friend may add a New York icon to the show as well: Twin Towers, Bronx Zoo, Guggenheim Museum? Australians Morley and Friend have performed for star-studded crowds including Hugh Grant, Naomi Campbell, Posh Spice, Joan Collins, Jackie Collins, Bono and Elton John. Mamma Mia Casting is complete for Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus MAMMA MIA!, the new musical based on the songs of ABBA, which begins performances on Broadway at the Winter Garden Theatre (1634 Broadway, at 50th Street) on Friday, October 5. Opening Night is Thursday, October 18. Louise Pitre (who just won a Dora Mavor Moore Award for her performance in the Toronto production of MAMMA MIA!) will make her Broadway debut as Donna Sheridan, an independent single mother who runs a taverna on a mythical Greek island. Donna s best friends, Rosie and Tanya, are played by Tony Award-winner Judy Kaye and Karen Mason (respectively), who reunite on the island on the eve of the wedding of Donna’s daughter, Sophie. Sophie will be played by Tina Maddigan, also making her Broadway debut in the role she created in the Toronto and National Tour productions.Described by Bjorn Ulvaeus as the musical we never knew we had written, MAMMA MIA! ingeniously interweaves 22 of super-group ABBA's songs into a funny and infectious tale of a mother and soon-to-be-wed daughter. Set in the present day on a tiny, mythical Greek island, MAMMA MIA! is a musical love story that crosses continents and generations. MAMMA MIA! opened at London's Prince Edward Theatre in April, 1999 and overnight became London's biggest home-grown hit since The Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables (Baz Bamigboye, Daily Mail). Acclaimed by the Associated Press as quite simply a phenomenon, MAMMA MIA! has broken virtually every known British box office record and continues to sell out every performance. Productions are also playing currently in Australia and Toronto, and the National Tour is making its way across North America. Assassins Casting Roundabout Theatre Company announced the first cast member, DOUGLAS SILLS as John Wilkes Booth in Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman s ASSASSINS Directed by Joe Mantello, Choreographed by John CarrafaPreviews begin November 1st Opening, November 29th at the Music Box Theatre Drama Dept Drama Dept. is pleased to announce they will present RUDE ENTERTAINMENT, a trio of one-act plays by Paul Rudnick: Mr. Charles, Currently of Palm Beach; Very Special Needs; and On the Fence. The eight-week run will begin on August 31 through October 21 only. Opening Night is Thursday, September 20. RUDE ENTERTAINMENT will play at the Greenwich House Theatre (27 Barrow Street, off Seventh Avenue South). Directed by Christopher Ashley, the cast of RUDE ENTERTAINMENT will feature Peter Bartlett, Harriet Harris and Neal Huff. The design team for RUDE ENTERTAINMENT features set design by Allen Moyer, costumes by Gregory A. Gale, lighting design by Kirk Bookman, sound design by Laura Grace Brown, and projections by Wendall K. Harrington. RUDE ENTERTAINMENT: The first play, Mr. Charles, Currently of Palm Beach, is a delicious portrait of Mr. Charles, a flamboyant and opinionated tastemaker, who hosts his own extremely low-rent cable show in Florida on which he is more than happy to share his truly unique point of view on just about everything. The second play, Very Special Needs, takes place in an upscale Manhattan loft, and concerns the hottest collectible in America today: children. The play touches on matters of blended families, international adoptions and truly modern love. The final play, On the Fence, involves humanity’s most enduring topics: life, death and celebrity. Manhattan Theatre Club Artistic Director Lynne Meadow and Executive Producer Barry Grove have announced plans for MTC s 2001-2002 season. The award-winning institution, presenting new works by the world s most prominent playwrights as well as nurturing new talents, continues this tradition with a season of works by David Lindsay-Abaire, John Patrick Shanley, Alan Ayckbourn, Zinnie Harris and John Corwin. This season comes on the heels of a record 20 Tony nominations and innumerable other awards and nominations last season. Proof by David Auburn, which transferred to Broadway from MTC at City Center last Fall, received the Pulitzer Prize for Drama and the Best Play Tony Award continues to play to capacity audiences at the Walter Kerr Theatre. Jennifer Jason Leigh will star beginning September 11. The National Tour of Proof launches in San Francisco at the Curran Theatre in November. At Broadway s Barrymore Theatre, another MTC s transfer, The Tale of the Allergist s Wife by Charles Busch, directed by Lynne Meadow, now stars Valerie Harper, along with Tony Roberts and Michele Lee. The National Tour of The Tale of the Allergist s Wife begins at the Ahmanson Theatre in Los Angeles next year.THE 2001-2002 SEASON: By date of 1st Performance Stage I: WONDER OF THE WORLD by David Lindsay-Abaire First Performance: October 9; Opening Night: November 1 Sarah Jessica Parker will return to MTC in this new comedy by David Lindsay-Abaire (Fuddy Meers), directed by Christopher Ashley.  Wonder of the World is a comedy in which the heroine embarks on a journey of self-discovery in Niagra Falls that has her crossing paths with a blithely suicidal alcoholic, a salty sea captain and a strange caper involving a gargantuan jar of peanut butter. It all pushes her perilously close to the water s edge. The cast also features Marylouise Burke, Kristine Nielsen, Amy Sedaris, and Alan Tudyk. Stage II: WHERE’S MY MONEY? by John Patrick Shanley First Performance: October 16; Opening Night: November 7Where’s My Money? is a new comedy written and directed by John Patrick Shanley. The play is a dark comedy about two smalltime Brooklyn divorce lawyers and the women in their lives. In other words, what women will do for money and what men will do for sex. Where s My Money? was seen in an earlier version this year presented by the Labyrinth Theatre Company. The MTC cast will feature David Deblinger, Yetta Gottesman, Florencia Lozano, Chris McGarry, and Paula Pizzi.Stage I: HOUSE by Alan Ayckbourn Stage II: GARDEN by Alan Ayckbourn First Performance: April 26; Opening Night: May 21 In a spectacular theatrical move, the 2001-2002 season will end with Alan Ayckbourn s new plays House and Garden, which will run concurrently on Stages I and II, with the cast moving between the two stages. In House, Teddy Platt is a wealthy industrialist in line to become a Member of Parliament. His wife Trish isn t speaking to him because of his multiple infidelities. Mayhem erupts when Lucille, a French film star, arrives to open the town garden fete, which the Platts are hosting. Garden finds the Platts neighbors, Giles and Joanne Mace, whose marriage is dissolving while two bumbling caterers wreak havoc, a backyard tent collapses, and Lucille (the actress), who has too much to drink. John Tillinger directs both productions. Other confirmed productions are: FURTHER THAN THE FURTHEST THING by Zinnie Harris On a small island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, forgotten by the world, and forgotten by time, there exists a community with a secret buried deep in its past. The outside world arrives, armed with prospects for the island s future, and disturbs the intricate balance of the lives of its inhabitants. Confronted by a culture that is both enticing and threatening, the islanders realize that revealing their long-held secret may be the only way to reclaim their ancestral home. MTC s production of Further Than the Furthest Thing will mark the American premiere of the play by British playwright Zinnie Harris. GONE HOME by John Corwin In Gone Home, Jack, a young writer, goes home for the first time in years. Through a surprising series of visits with his family, he grapples with his guilt at having abandoned them, as well as his own hopes and fears. MTC s production will mark the New York debut for this imaginative new American playwright. Please note: There will be one additional MTC production this season to be announced shortly. The Women Roundabout Theatre Company announces the casting of Clare Boothe Luce s comedy THE WOMEN, Directed by Scott Elliott. Kristen Johnston as Sylvia Rue McClanahan as Countess De Lage Cynthia Nixon as Mary Jennifer Tilly as Crystal Mary Louise Wilson as Mrs. Morehead Lynne Collins as Miriam Jennifer Coolidge as Edith Lisa Emery as Nancy Amy Ryan as Peggy Previews begin October 12th, 2001 Opening, November 8th, 2001 at the American Airlines Theatre Urinetown The original cast recording of URINETOWN: The Musical has been released in stores today by RCA Victor. URINETOWN, featuring music and lyrics by Mark Hollmann and book and lyrics by Greg Kotis, was produced for records by Jay David Saks, the recipient of seven Grammy Awards, including four in the Best Musical Show Album category. The recording engineer was Tom Lazarus. Following its critically acclaimed, sold out Off-Broadway run, URINETOWN will resume performances on Broadway on Monday, August 27th at The Henry Miller (124 West 43rd Street), with opening night scheduled for Thursday, September 13th.  The production is directed by John Rando, with musical staging by John Carrafa. URINETOWN features John Cullum, Hunter Foster, Spencer Kayden, Jeff McCarthy, Nancy Opel and Jennifer Laura Thompson, and also features David Beach, Jennifer Cody, Rachel Coloff, Rick Crom, John Deyle, Victor W. Hawks, Ken Jennings, Megan Lawrence, Daniel Marcus, Lawrence Street and Kay Walbye. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CYBER THEATRE MONTHLY Hedwig and the Angry Inch http://www.get-hed.com Yes, It's a fine show, but that's not why it's being featured in CyberTheatre Monthly. It's this month's featured site because we at 1501 have been complaining for some time that theatre sites, those of the biggest shows on Broadway, are so far behind Movie, Television, Music and even FAN sites in their use of internet technology they cast serious aspersions on their ability to entertain in any meaningful use of the term.   Behold, Hedwig and the Angry Inch has discovered Flash ! Amen. Halleluiah.   So has Alice Ripley, Adam Pascal and  http://www.aliceripley.net/ Rocky Horror's Alice Ripley, and Rent/Aida's Adam Pascal - it's under the Sh-k-boom Records label, and it's a little confusing, but it's a decent little site. Support these folks - they've taken the first bold step (a step most of us took in 1997, but hey, late is better than never!) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RUBIN'S CORNER Summer on Broadway Since vacation time is upon us, I decide to review the theater offering in New York City for those who might be visiting us during their vacation. Broadway is concluding an excellent season. There is still a lot for anyone to see. Tom Selleck will be in the city for most of the summer in A Thousand Clowns. Blast, the parade without floats, makes an interesting theater experience. 42nd Street, the only other musical to win a Tony this year besides The Producers, will be playing for a long period of time at the Ford Center. Since this is such a large theater you can be sure that tickets are available all summer. Luke Perry is staring in a good production of The Rocky Horror Show until July 30th. The Music Man, an excellent production is staring Eric McCormack, of Will and Grace, and Rebecca Luker continues to attract big audiences. A number of musicals from past seasons still continues to play and are worth a look, if you have not enjoyed them yet. Beauty and the Beast, Aida, and The Lion Kind still form the Disney Broadway trio. Cabaret will start Brook Shields for most of the summer. Jennifer Holiday has been added to the cast of Chicago which is now starting Nana Visitor and Vick Lewis. Contact, Les Miserables, Rent, and Phantom of the Opera have some summer tickets available.. The Producers is sold out, but you can try the stand-by line and hope you are lucky.  The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife, an excellent comedy, will continue to star Tony Roberts and Michelle Lee. Linda Lavin is being replaced by Valarie Harper. Stones in his Pockets, the two person Irish play, will continue to star Sean Campion and Conleth Hill, who play all 22 parts. Neil Simon’s, The Dinner Party, now stars Jon Lovitz and Larry Miller.. The Tony award in drama, Proof, is still at the Walter Kerr Theatre, and Mary-Louise Parker is still in her staring role. The Roundabout Theatre Company has a new production of Major Barbara at its American Airline Theatre and Blue with Phylicia Rashad is at the small Gramacy Theatre. A couple of Off-Broadway shows offer an interesting evening of theater; Batboy is a top musical with a not so serious subject. The CD was release early this week. Tic, tick…BOOM, a musical by the late Jonathan Larson seems to be a hit, as well as Lobby Hero, a drama about a doorman.  You should be aware that Mama Mia which opens October 5, has a very limited number of seats for its first year on Broadway. What ever you see remember to check at the TKTS Booth to see if your favorite show is half price. Most musicals on Broadway are now selling their best seats for $90 to $100.     The Actors' Fund presents The DREAMGIRLS 20th Anniversary Benefit Concert Ford Center for the Performing Arts (current home of Broadway's 42nd Street) September 24 @ 7:30pm (All $50/$100/ $250 tickets sold out.) Tickets available at the $500/$1000 and $2500 levels. RSVP DREAMLINE: 212-221-7300 x 133 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ENTER LAUGHING Longtime readers may remember the Lightbulb jokes from an early issue. Why are we rerunning it? Glad you asked: It's not easy being funny on a deadline. When you're regularly called upon to write a humor column about some niche subject like theatre, you tend have a little folder on your desktop where you save things for later use . Since it's a humor column the assumption is that the contents of this folder will "be funny" at some later date. After six months or so it's time to clean out that folder. Unfortunately a single lifetime is not always enough to make certain developments funny. May 12th Playbill ran a story about the 1st Annual Dumbing-it-Down Awards. Oh they didn't call it that - they called them "The Star Awards" (gag me) and talked about the League finally instituting an award for which audiences themselves would vote (rather than "insiders and critics"), and that it would be open to long-running shows long past their first season and original cast, and national tours. Glory. For the record, audiences already get their say, folks, it's called TICKET SALES.  Then there's Shakespeare World, a footnote from a southern theatre community's "Town Meeting" where the cognoscenti brainstormed plans for a theme park in which Juliet's apothecary invites you to taste his potions, Hamlet engages you in a duel or Macbeth and his lady ask you to spend the night Frankly, I'm so depressed after cleaning out an entire folder of this nonsense, I am forced to resort to lightbulb jokes. Now I know some of you have seen these before but many of you enjoyed them so much you sent in alternate answers, which have been added below. How many Artistic Directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Does it have to be a lightbulb? How many Producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: How many did it take last time? A: What's wrong with the old one? How many directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None. Give a note to the stage manager. A: 3...no, make that 4...on second thought 3... well, better make it 5 just to be safe. How many assistant directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. But he/she has to check with the director first to make sure he wants the bulb there. How many stage managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Pull the technical director off of a set installation to deal with it. A: I DON'T CARE!!! JUST DO IT!!! A: It's on my list...It's on my list... How many technical directors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Call the master electrician at home to fix it. How many interns does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It doesn't matter because you'll have to do it again anyway. How many master electricians does it take to change a light bulb? A: We don't change bulbs, only halogen lamps. It's a props problem. How many props masters does it take to change a light bulb? A: Light bulb?! When did they get a lamp? How many Lighting Designers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: After a long conference, it was decided to use several fresnels, an ellipsodal, warm tones for a cozy atmosphere and a strobe to effect lightning striking in the background, for that stormy effect. Also several gobos will be used for tree patterns on the cyc. What was the question again? How many executive directors does it take to change a light bulb? "What do they need light back there for?" How many IATSE Technicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 20 - you got a problem with that? How many volunteer crew members does it take to change a light bulb? A: 4. One to collect every cliplight in existence backstage, one to cut a 3x3 sheet of gel into unuseable 1x1 pieces, one to search for the cabinet key, one to wander through the dressing rooms asking the actors if they need theirs... How many Actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Three. One to actually do it, and two more to discuss how they would have done it better. A. "Excuse me, but you have people to do that? I have to get into character" A. None. Complain to the director at notes. How many theatre critics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. All of them - 1 to be highly critical of the design elements, 1 to express contempt for the glow of the bulb, 1 to lambast the interpretation of wattage used, 1 to critique the performance of the bulb itself, 1 to recall superb lightbulbs of past seasons and lament how this one fails to measure up, and all to join in the refrain reflecting on how they could build a better light bulb in their sleep. How many dramaturgs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. The lightbulb was invented by Thomas A. Edison and patented in 1880. A high-resistance carbonated filament encased in a vacuum tube is heated with electricity to the point where it will glow but not burn... How many theatre students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Erm, what's the deadline, cos I may need an extension. How many audience members does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to do it and another to say to the third, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright 2001, Mersinger Theatrical Services